"The stories that you tell yourself can make or break you - no matter who you are." – Oprah Winfrey
A few days ago, I was offered a project with a former client. I really like the company and the people who work there, but it's been a long time since we've worked together and my rate has increased significantly since the last time we worked together. I let the client know that I could potentially help them, but my rate has increased. They responded and asked if they could pay half of the increase (rather than the full amount) and I let them know that I would be losing money if I did that since other clients are paying more. And, they didn't respond back.
Although this is an area where I've gotten better over time, I, unfortunately, began telling myself negative stories about the situation. Stories like, "They'll probably never work with me again." and "Maybe I'm not worth the amount I'm asking for." The next day, they replied and said they really wanted to work with me and planned to check with their manager to see if they could get an increase for the project budget. They even ended the email with "What a joy you are to work with!"
Everything we experience is affected by the lens through which we perceive it. And while it may not always seem like it, we do have a choice in the story we tell ourselves about the experience. In this situation, instead of the negative story I told myself, I could have told myself a truer, better feeling story: That I had too many clients last year and almost became burned out from the amount of work. And, that I had to raise my rates to take better care of my wellbeing and ensure I could really focus and take care of my clients. That is a better feeling story! And, it was entirely within my control to choose it.
But, how do you begin telling a better feeling story? I have a couple of thoughts to offer:
- Set a reminder. I set a reminder to "Tell a better feeling story" every hour on my phone.
- Focus on the positive. At the end of the day, I always reflect on the highlight of my day and things that happened that I am grateful for. This has helped retrain my brain to focus on the positives rather than the negatives.
Is there a situation in your life where you could tell a better feeling story? Do you have any tips on how to tell a better feeling story?
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